- How old am I:
- What is my hair:
- My body features:
- My favourite drink:
Recover Password. A warm welcome to the world of authentic Indian fashion. New to Utsav Fashion? Register and start your fashion journey to get. Easily Using.
In the beginning, we found thirds. My boyfriend and I hit the bars seeking guys we both thought were cute. After we separated, I became the third guy and played with couples across the country. When jealousy flared up, I bowed out. Then I tried small groups. Then bigger groups. Then my first sex club.
I liked the freedom and camaraderie of playing with others without pressure or expectation. It's not a relationship. It's a sex party.
Sometimes the party is one giant sex party. No matter the specifics, you're there to play.
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality. For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Photo by Jon Dean.
Every sex party is different. Some are large — fifty men at a house. Some are small — five guys on a bed.
Some hosts ask attendees to bring condoms or a certain kind of gear. Others provide the essentials. Many parties are organized online. Some sex parties are bareback. Others require condoms. Lube gets expensive. Bring your own. If the party is condom-only and you show up ready to play bare, you may also be asked to leave. Some venues are required by state laws to provide condoms and make them visible. Even if a venue has complimentary condoms, bring your own — especially if you need a certain size or certain material.
The ones at venues are cheap and purchased in bulk. If you like quality condoms, bring them. Some guys have latex allergies. The unspoken agreement you make when you arrive is one of complicity and anonymity.
Business on the top, party on the bottom
Everyone else is too. You're in the same boat — equally implicated — so there's no reason to judge or feel judged. Awkward run-ins happen. If you can bear it, stick around. You might have fun. Do your research. This only applies to venues, although some kind hosts provide spaces to put your stuff — something you should thank them for.
Even if there is one, keep your most valuable stuff on your person if at all possible. Guys accomplish this by keeping things in their socks, wearing zippered wrist cuffs or arm bands with pockets in them, or keeping a drawstring shoulder bag. Consent is sometimes non-verbal in these settings.
If you see a dick sticking out of a hole, the man on the other side of the wall is giving non-verbal consent to have his dick sucked. While these common scenarios are obvious, other situations might not be so clear. Be aware of your body language and the body language of others, and remember that non-verbal consent gets harder to read when you add alcohol and other substances.
I bring one every time. Small drawstring shoulder bags are easy to check. If I hop in a sling, I slipknot my bag to the sling. A drawstring shoulder bag is my 1 sex party essential item.
Get the jilly newsletter
If you lose your check bag ticket, some places make you wait until everyone has gotten their stuff before rummaging to find yours. This can delay your exodus by hours. Many venues will write your ticket on your arm in permanent marker. Cum parties get sticky. Whatever you do, try not to wreck the place. Someone has to clean it up.
Sex clubs have expected mess. If you get lube all over a rubber mattress in a private sex room, wipe it off before leaving. Someone else wants to use it after you. Rejection is never easy, but the reality is that there there are many guys playing. Rejection will happen. When it happens one-on-one, it stings. When it happens in a group, you can look see the guys who are interested and play with them. Play with the guys who click with you, or leave and go to the next sex party.
There is always another one happening somewhere. Sure, you might not get caught, but someone invited you into their home.
It can land you in jail. Most venues have zero tolerance for drugs. If you're going to a private party, ask the host what the drug policy is.
55 dos and don'ts of attending a gay sex party
Some sex parties are sober-only. Others welcome certain drugs like alcohol but not others. Some sex parties are oriented around specific drugs. Ask explicitly what will be happening at the party before you go.
Work from home, mullet style: business on top, party on the bottom
Things happen. Someone you walk in and come face-to-face with your ex-boyfriend. Sometimes you walk in and come face-to-face with your current monogamous boyfriend fucking someone. Sometimes you walk in and come face-to-face with that guy you went on a date with and it was awful, and you never texted him back. Have an exit strategy.