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Being in love is a fantastic feeling, but even if you're in a happy, healthy relationship, that doesn't mean that everything between you and your partner needs to be perfect all the time. There may be moments where the dynamics of your relationship can feel tense or off.


Fighting all the time? Bored as hell even with the sex?

When the relationship slowly breaks down

Spending more and and more time alone? And, chances are, your partner is going through the same thing.

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Relationship ruts are normal alongside a changing dynamic. Is long-term love more than a rare phenomenon? If so, what are its correlates? Sounds great to us — but the truth is that virtually no relationship elicits feelings of pure bliss all the time.

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Well-being and romantic relationship: A systematic review in adolescence and emerging adulthood. However, general s of being in a rut include fighting a lot, being bored, and losing interest in sexual activity. Here are some more slightly bonkers reasons that people fall in love. Since relationship ruts are a common phenomenon, people have put a lot of effort into finding ways to haul ourselves out of them.

Perhaps you or your partner have chronic health concerns that might stand in the way of sexual activity or require some workarounds. Boredom is a creeping menace in a relationship that can slowly disarm all the fun parts. It goes without saying that sharing activities and memories is key to maintaining a relationship. But doing the same things all the time can become repetitive and tedious.

19 smart ways to fix a stale relationship

Silly memories are keepers too. Playing together very often supports staying together. Still at a loss for ideas? Try reflecting on exciting things you did together in the beginning of the relationship and recreate those experiences or revisit the location where you met.

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Even taking a stroll down memory lane will spark a wanderlust that inspires you. Unless you met somewhere boring, like the office. Office romance can be awkward and boundaries are important. Not everything has to be an insane adrenalin rush. Maybe you make a promise to cook dinner together once a week naked or otherwiseform a little book club together where you read the same thing and chat about it, or start a home workout together.

Perhaps you could even get a pet. Then choose three items from the list and tackle them over the next 3 months. Having goals as a couple means you can grow together without needing constant stimulation. Goals also help you keep bad habits at bay. However, you need a screen-free haven in your home in which you can really connect with each other.

So it might as well be where you sleep and bang. Ditch the screens, laptops, tablets, and phones, and pay attention to each other instead. Mindless scrolling engages nothing except the shares of social media companies. Try eating breakfast together, meeting for lunch, or deating 20 minutes every evening to chat uninterrupted — no distractions allowed.

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Special time together feels specialeven if it involves really mundane activities like eating bagels. One of our writers went on Tinder dates to pull together dating advice for you. Oh, the sacrifices we make. Bottling up resentments and holding grudges can mess with how happy you are in the relationship and in yourself.

Impett EA, et al. Suppression sours sacrifice: Emotional and relational costs of suppressing emotions in romantic relationships. Lewandowski Jr. GW, et al. Constant negativity seems a lot more natural during a phase of regular fights. But actively deciding to break that cycle can help the two of you repair the dynamic. Challenge yourself to sit down and make a list of things you like about your partner.

Then share them. You should like and appreciate each other as people, even if you sometimes operate at cross-purposes. Get started with these kick-ass exercises to try together.

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So find someone you trust to help you break that pattern. Friends can break up with you tooand it hurts equally.

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Be sure to share important shit with the ones you have. This is a huuuuuuuuge kicker. But when the exciting bits subside a little, and you start to share responsibilities, there may well be a push-and-pull when it comes to who does what. Unequal distribution of chores can trigger all manner of arguments. Also, work out what your partner is comfortable or skilled at doing. Bonus points: A article also found that husbands and wives who do housework together have more sex. Carlson DL, et al. DOI: Handling disagreements well — by, for example, practicing forgiveness and avoiding judgment — predicts more positive emotions and satisfaction in the relationship.

Salvatore JE, et al. Recovering from conflict in romantic relationships: a developmental perspective. The internet is a treasure trove of information, interaction, and puppy GIFs. Online sexual activity like watching porn or having cybersex alone or with a partner can enhance the intimacy, quality, and frequency of your bedroom fun times with your S.

Grov C, et al.

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Perceived consequences of casual online sexual activities on heterosexual relationships: A U. Online survey. Likewise, if you feel like exploring The Internet Of Sexy Things solo, that may also help you bring new ideas into the bedroom.

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However, too much of a good thing can be less great — if it feels like porn is taking over your sex lifeease off a little. Write out all of the fantasies each of you want to try separate pieces of paper.

You can't let go of past problems

Here are some role-play ideas to get your juices flowing. Creative juices, we mean. Toss out the idea that spontaneous sex is the only way to have good sex. But sex is also key to maintaining intimacy and relationship satisfaction. Smith A, et al.

Their best friend is their phone

Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: The importance of desired frequency of sex. Even better.

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Brody S, et al. Simultaneous penile-vaginal intercourse orgasm is associated with satisfaction sexual, life, partnership, and mental health. So come up with a schedule for doing it and stick to it.

9 s your relationship is past its expiration date

It may help you both get in the mood. However, building anticipation is key. Hugs, massages, an arm slipped around a waist — these small actions can all boost feelings of affection. Extend those little gestures, touches, and s that show a unique physical connection without leading all the way to sex. As a result, sex will feel far more natural when there are moments of arousal and electricity. But for couples seeking long-term happiness, couples therapy or counseling is a very reasonable and sometimes necessary choice.

Sometimes, you simply need an external, impartial mediator. Couples therapy can offer this. Yes, relationships go through phases of closeness and brief rifts. Someone worth your time deserves you more. If you feel trapped, pressured, or unable to leave an abusive relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you work out your next steps.

Satisfaction in relationships is tied to contentment throughout your personal life. Priest JB. Anxiety disorders and the quality of relationships with friends, relatives, and romantic partners. Happy wife, happy life? More like happy youhappy everything else. And yes, we can have an Amen, thank you very much. Relationships are tough.

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Have a question?


Knowing when it's time to break up isn't easy.


Maybe it crept in seemingly overnight, or maybe it was a slow and steady process that sucked the vitality right out of your relationship.


Like everything in life, you get out what you put in; but spend year after year after year with the same person, and you may wake up one day and find yourself in a comfort zone.