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  • What is my age:
  • I am of age
  • Nationality:
  • I was born in Thailand
  • Tint of my iris:
  • Cold green
  • Zodiac sign:
  • Cancer


In a society that values women primarily for their youthful beauty, sexual and reproductive powers, the more we age, the more we lose value. Our currency as women is devalued.


There is nothing wrong with not being young.

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Except for a few incredibly insensitive jerks, most of us are increasingly careful to avoid using hurtful language toward people different than us. This is a good thing. Why use hurtful language? It hurts. Still, even now, lots of people still say insensitive things toward the aging community. So, what do you say?

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Here is a glossary of the cool, not cool and just plain mean words that are often used to describe older people. Keep it handy. After all, everyone is old er than someone. Just think: People older than you knew how to get across town without a GPS. For proof, please visit Twitter.

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But for the right individual, this is a classy way to hint at age while also honoring intellect. A respectful, slight bow of the head is a nice added touch. It indicates a human with a complex flavor profile. Evokes images of thick leaves and fleshy blossoms. Like many older people, perennials possess the two most-coveted qualities in plant or animal — they are gorgeous and hard to kill. The ageless person perpetually exists in a liminal state where time is irrelevant.

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Please call us this. A Pucci dress, a Jaguar E-Type.

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It becomes more valuable as it gets older and is revered and passionately pursued by those of all ages who are truly in the know. It conveys dignity, authority and a healthy investment portfolio.

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After all, who could be more distinguished than Dame Judi Dench? You may be too young to know this, but there is nothing wrong with not being young. Now refill our decaf coffees! The fact that we are interesting or funny does not render us infantile.

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Save this word for baby goats. Kindly reserve this term to estimate your location when we are a half mile ahead of you on a hike or in an intellectual conversation. Older people have sex. There is no need to distinguish our sexuality from that of year-old Instagram models.

The sooner you embrace this, the better and longer your own sex life will be. Swipe right! OK, you leaky, oily squirt. But think about it: According to researchshorter women live longer than tall women, and women live longer than men. Ergo, shorter women have way more staying power than anyone!

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Get off their damn lawn already! Trending now: Glam-ma, Mimi, even Nana. Is it an insect? A toothy rodent? A weird skin growth? Fun fact: A coot is a tough, adaptable water bird. They can fly and swim.

Who you calling ‘young lady’?

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Who you calling ‘young lady’?

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